so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Randomize
