he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
