i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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