There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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