I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
