Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
