I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Randomize
