please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
