Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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