the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I just googled if crying burns calories
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
