drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
