How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Randomize
