Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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