a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
