Do you still have your period?
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
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