I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
