told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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