I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
