She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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