i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
