My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
