Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Randomize
