im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
