I wish my penis had an off switch
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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