You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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