Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Randomize
