Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
