I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
