After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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