i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Randomize
