Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
