yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I need a burrito and a hug.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
