Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
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