we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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