youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I want a musical about memes.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
