ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
