So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
At least life still wants to fuck me.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Randomize
