And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Randomize
