Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
