Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
