If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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