the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
