I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
