I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
