i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
