I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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