It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
i think my mom watched the whole time
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
