Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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