I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Randomize
