Welp...herpes.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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